I loved writing and from a young age been told how I had a flare for it. I would write stories and compile them as a child and my mother would encourage me, telling me she would have them published if I was serious about them and I had written enough stories. I used to read a lot and was truly a fan of all things literature. However, the more I grew up, the less motivated I became to write. I did still love writing.

 Consequently, I picked up poetry writing. I figured it required less commitment and was less of a hassle basically. I started writing poetry and it was nice. I enjoyed it. Then, just as suddenly as I had started, I just stopped- writer’s block. I did not know what to write and any would not like any subject suggested for me. I would try writing but just not finish.

Growing up, I had always believed that writing was my passion. I would write whenever I could. I loved it. Now, I barely ever. I have all these ideas in my head that I know could transform into amazing pieces but writing has just become a chore to me.

The realization that writing has stopped doing and being it for me leaves me with the tiring task of finding my “it”. What is my passion? What do I absolutely love? What s my calling? Me being me, I feel pressured to find out my passion. I am currently a second year political science major but I am positive that it is not what I want. My reason for studying this…? I have always been an overachiever and when I was younger I had dreamt that I would be a part of history and my plan was to be the first female UN secretary general. I then decided that I would study political science or international relations in university whoever said to dream big would have definitely been proud.

Before I finished high school though I realized that truly, I had no idea what I wanted to do after school. I thought and I thought but could not think of anything I really wanted. I gave up. I decided that I would be content doing anything that made me successful. ‘Success’ to me was having a high paying office job. In retrospect, I had always ALWAYS thought about success that way and everybody wanted to be successful right? I think that was and is a major contribution to me not being able to find anything I want to do in life.

I would ask myself, “What could I do that would make me a lot of money that was ‘respectable’?” Also for a very long time, I had the fear of dying and going into oblivion. I did not want to be forgotten. Sometimes I would think about extraordinary and/or grand things I could do to be remembered always by the world. I was not successful until I had made a ton of money or until the whole world knew my name.

In all honesty, I am yet to find anybody who has no desire to be successful. However, what I have come to learn and believe is;

  • Success is subjective. One’s idea of success is completely up to them to decide.
  • You should not have to give up your happiness because Society deemed it secondary. Do what makes you happy.
  • Do what makes you better. This will help you and those around you.
  • Money is important but it should not be a priority.
  • Any dream is big as long as it is yours.
  • Your dream(s) is/are valid.

It took a minute to realize all of these things but I am still glad I did. I am still on my journey to find what my calling is but I believe it will not be long before I do because I know to look to what makes me happy and a better person as a guide. I am patient. Just that thought makes me happy.


Published by Yama Jammeh

Female Black African Muslim A FORCE TO BE RECKONED WITH

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